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Woman who Only Dates Bad Boys Arrested for Paedophilia

Updated: Feb 4, 2019

A woman, who frequently told people that she only dated bad boys, has been caught in a police sting. Her named cannot be mentioned for legal reasons. She is being charged with several counts of conspiracy to commit paedophilia and for stealing a Mars Bar from Jeremy Stevens, aged 9.


The woman sexually molested several children from the neighbourhood, but only after they had committed relatively minor misdeeds, such as breaking her window with a football, or trampling her flowers.


When interviewed, DI Sean Legert said, "this was not a challenging case for me, as she in fact repeatedly referenced this habit whenever anything vaguely to do with dating came up during questioning, which was a lot of the interrogation."


While she claimed that she wasn't just into "boys", and was in fact far more into "rebels", police found that this in fact meant a string of Islamic militants, all of whom were also wanted for various terrorism and loitering charges.


We can also confirm that many of her victims, as well as Jeremy Stevens and his two best friends, ASBO Dave, aged 12, and that little fat ginger kid who looks up to no good, have been removed from the neighbourhood for their own safety.