top of page

Self-Proclaimed "Sample Hunter" Inadvertently Finds Proof that Bruce Forsyth Molested Children

He was just doing what he always did. Listening through obscure records, film soundtracks and USBs he found on the streets, which were bizarrely stacked with voice memos, when suddenly, Rock found the proof.

It was a terrifying experience for Rock Rerrigan, a hip-hop artist whose brand of high energy soul samples, coupled with cuttings from racist 1950s movies, is beginning to give him some serious status at house parties in his neighbourhood.

His work normally involves cutting together Sid James' films, such as Carry On Up the Khyber, with anyone who sung anything in the 1970s, completed with a drum track stolen from Snoop Dogg's producer, Diddy D. But Rock decided to push the boat out on this track, which was to be his undoing.

Rock told us: "I was just listening to Bruce's "I'm Backing Britain" track and all the outtakes, on a special CD released primarily to the Kettering area, when the tape went silent for a moment, and Bruce just confessed. He confessed to so much. I didn't think it was possible for one man to have fondled that many children but I checked out his tour schedules for the years 1988-97, and it adds up."

Rock continued, "I wish I hadn't heard it, but I felt a duty to tell someone, not least Bruce's parents. I quickly realised they were also dead, given that Bruce died aged 89, but I told their tombstones the full story. They seemed to appreciate it."

While it's a shame that the beloved presenter, known for hosting shows such as Strictly Come Dancing, Play Your Cards Right, and Touch The Eight Year Old has been ousted as a sexual predator, it is time he was brought to justice.

We think that his tomb should be raided, and his corpse made to experience the same justice that Victoria receives in the Black Mirror episode White Bear.

Rock (real name Mike) tossed away his autographed photo in disgust. He confessed to The Toot that he did later retrieve it and re-insert the picture into its frame, because "twenty minutes without it was enough".


bottom of page