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‘Friend’ Who Claimed He Can’t Afford to Go Out Tonight Spotted Donating Money to Charity

Updated: Apr 10, 2019

Local bastard Paul Crustworth has once again managed to flake on his friends and not join them for their regular Saturday Wetherspoon’s piss-up.

“This isn’t the first time Paul’s bailed with the excuse of not having enough money,” Paul’s close friend Tom commented.


“Yeah, usually we give him the benefit of the doubt,” added Bill, a fringe member of the friendship group, “but this time he’s crossed a line. Broken our trust.”


Ben was referring to the fact that Paul "Double Cross" Crustworth, as he is now known, was spotted by himself and Tom, donating to the Red Cross on Whetstone High Street a few days ago.


“I couldn’t see how much he gave, but I didn’t hear any jingling so must’ve been at least a fiver,” Tom deduced.


“It doesn’t matter how much it was!” Bill interjected. “All I want is to have a few pints down the pub on a Saturday night. If Paul’s not up to it he should tell us so we can find someone else to complete the group.”


As Tom consoled a teary-eyed Bill, he told us that the group used to be a foursome, until they found out ex-friend Andy had been missing 5-a-side to visit his dying grandmother in hospital.


These boys have had awful luck when it comes to choosing their mates. We hope that the rotten Paul sees justice and is met with the same fate as ‘AWOL Andy’. Let us know your stories of friends who weren't able to get their priorities straight!


Bill looks on longingly in case the evil Paul does decide to turn up