“Fido Killed Himself Because You’re Dirty” Father Tells Son Following Death of Their Dog

Updated: Jan 25, 2019


“What’s better than a truth that draws a tear? A lie that teaches a lesson.” So claims Robert Powell, 42 year old husband and father of two.


Beloved family pooch, Fido, sadly passed away last week, but Powell did not fold, and even managed to spin the tragedy in the family’s favour.


“My 10 year old, Jake, yeah he didn’t take it too well. The lad was crying non-stop. I was only doing what any responsible father would do. Jake was vulnerable, and this was the perfect time for me to show him who runs this family.”


Powell told his son that Fido had committed suicide as a result of Jake’s apparent lack of hygiene.


Powell continued, “Frankly I think the kid’s gross. He’ll always walk in the house with his muddy football boots on, or leave dirty dishes in his bedroom. Usually I can’t get through to him, but I was helped out by the timely death of a canine.”


He did not stop there. He claims he’s been able to constantly use Fido’s death to keep his son in check.


“The other day I saw him picking his nose. Disgusting, I thought to myself. Then I remembered our recently deceased pet. I made a few barking noises from the next room, and suddenly Jake was in tears. But importantly, he had gone to the bathroom to get himself a tissue. Man he really loved that dog.”


When asked if he sees any moral issue with lying about his dog’s death, Powell retorted, “Sure, I ran him over while driving drunk. But what lesson is dirty little Jake going to learn from that, eh? He’d be so grateful if he knew what I was doing, but I don’t do it for the plaudits.”

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