Mass confusion ensued in Clacton today when Boss Jill Dixon was confronted mid speech with news that her way had in fact been relocated to the A133, the local highway in the Essex town.
Greeted by the news that ‘my way’ and ‘the highway’ were now one, workers made unsure steps towards the door, further confused whether this now meant that “going big” and “going home” were also one, as it was another favourite phrase of Mrs Dixon’s when she forced them to go to 'after-work discos'.
Mrs Dixon was distraught at the news: ‘How am I meant to be the enforcing, autocratic dickhead boss if I can’t use stock phrases like that. If I over rely on one phrase surely it will use all meaning. So I’m parking that idea and looking to pastures anew in the boss phrasing world.”
The situation in Clacton is very tense. Dixon remains fearful of revolt, and now carries a taser around with her at all times in case she needs to make an example of a wannabe Jacobin.