In light of recent news surrounding the apparent blackmail of Jeff Bezos with threats being made to expose his nude photos, the Amazon CEO has issued a statement reassuring everyone that he has complete control of the situation.
“Amazon value their customers. This is why I played hardball with David Pecker and negotiated a deal. Those with Prime accounts will be able to access the leaked photos before their official release date.”
“It’s the least I can do. At Amazon, we are a family. I want every single person connected with us to know we always have their back. Well, apart from our employees - I don’t want them getting any ideas.”
A truly noble gesture from Bezos, who claims all he had to do to negotiate the deal with Pecker, was promise not to make jokes referencing his phallic surname.