After the longest government shutdown in US history, the unprecedented threat of a national emergency and an underrated political song from The Killers, a solution has finally been found for the US Border Wall- averting a second shutdown.
“As we have fought for a wall or barrier or fence to keep our southern border safe- it became clear only a bipartisan solution with Democrats in the House could solve this problem for good” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R) told reports late last night.
“Through this we have come to a decision that keeps everyone happy. The most important aspect of the problem of the steel wall wasn’t the ‘wall’, but rather the ‘steel’! My dear colleagues, House Speaker Pelosi (D) and Senate Minority Leader Schumer (D) proposed using Derek Zoolander and his signature ‘Blue Steel’ look to repel all those murderous immigrants along the border. This solution will be just as effective as President Trump’s wall at a fraction of the $5.7 billion cost.”
After the second shutdown had been adverted, Pelosi and Schumer were found smoking by the dumpsters to the White House. “They bought it, those dipshit morons actually bought it. Do they even realise Zoolander isn’t real? Does Ben Stiller even know about this? He’s not going to be paid to spend the rest of his life patrolling 2000 miles of the border.”
Ben Stiller was not available for comment at the time of publication.