Former Labour Party leader Ed Milliband has made a return to the public eye following a heroic act of kindness which occurred on the London Underground this week. Milliband was travelling on the Victoria Line on Monday evening, when something caught his attention.
An 8-year-old girl, Lisa Williams, was sat opposite the politician, when suddenly she burst into tears. Her mother, Sarah, was trying to calm her down, but to no avail. Fortunately, the onlooking Milliband knew it was time for him to step in - the only way he knew how.
Without hesitation, the politician ditched his jacket and tie, and proceeded to unbutton his shirt. He threw Sarah off her seat and presented Lisa with a bare Milliband breast - home to one of the most nutritious nipples known to humankind.
Millibands’s calls of “Accept the teat! Pronto!” echoed through the tube as he waggled his pectoral in front of the young Lisa, in a mesmeric, pendulum-like motion.
The younger of the Williams women, however did not succumb to the hypnosis, by which time her mother had recovered to her feet and inexplicably shoved Milliband out of the way.
“What on Earth was he thinking?!” she vented. “There was absolutely no reason for him to get involved. And breastfeeding? Somebody needs to check up on him, seriously. Also my daughter is eight! Eight! That man is a lunatic!”
A blemish on an otherwise inspirational tale. A real shame the ungrateful Sarah reacted in such a disappointing manner. They don’t deserve you, Ed.