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Man Who Loves Jeremy Clarkson Coincidentally a Complete Dick

Updated: Feb 5, 2019

In a remarkable turn of events, it was confirmed today that die-hard top gear fan Chris Jonson, known as CJ to his 'boys at the club', is in fact a complete cunt.

People who knew him were shocked to discover that a man who had supported Clarkson through many of his less admirable moments, such as the time he punched a producer, or the time he said the n-word whilst singing a racist nursery rhyme, or the time he insulted the entirety of Mexican culture, or the time he called an Asian man a "slope", or the time he deliberately antagonised the entire Argentine nation for no reason, was also surprisingly a total dickhead himself.

This was particularly surprising to his wife, Ursula, who said, "I mean I always knew he was a bit of a boys-boy, but what I didn't realise was that this actually just meant he was an immature 40 year old with no sense of empathy and a tiny penis. Well, I didn't know about the immaturity and lack of empathy. I've known about the penis thing for a while."

When asked for comment, Chris Jonson called our reporter an "incel cuck" and returned to grunting approvingly at Nigel Farage talking on LBC.

Chris seen in his favourite environment, the local motoring club boardroom.


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