“Look Guys, I Wanna Go Home as Much as You Do” Says Teacher with No Plans

Updated: Jan 14, 2019

Year 8 geography teacher Mr Stephens is refusing to dismiss his students despite the final bell having gone forty-five minutes ago.


“Obviously we’d all like to head home, but I just wouldn’t be doing my job properly if I let them leave without this vital knowledge," said Stephens, as he requested one of his pupils located the capital of Djibouti on a globe.


Some students made it clear that staying after class was a regular occurrence. Henry Phipps told us that, “he does this a lot. We’ve reported him to other teachers but they just seem to feel sorry for him. They told me this was the high point of his week. And that every other point of his week is not only low, it might as well be a Mariana Trench style abyss. I just learned what the Mariana Trench was today at 5:15PM. School finishes at 4:30PM. I hate him. I hate him so much."


“Sometimes the links to geography are very tenuous,” added classmate Louise. “There was one week when he insisted he had such a hectic schedule that he could only take the lesson at the local leisure centre. We ended up watching La La Land in the cinema and Mr Stephens made us buy and share our popcorn with him.”


Stephens explained that staying late could impact on his social life: "I often have to cancel on my mates, whether it’s a kick-about or a pint. It makes it tough with women as well. Have had to reject tonnes of ‘em in the past. Not turning up to dates, not having time to return their calls, you know. But the way I see it, they can get over the heartbreak, eventually anyway. But there's no way I'd ditch the kids, I’m 100% committed to teaching.”


When asked if he had anything scheduled for the evening, Stephens said he had to administer detentions for several students, whom he had caught trying to sneak out of his class early at 7:23PM.


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