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Liam Neeson Joins LAPD

Actor and vengeance-seeker Liam Neeson has recently announced himself a new member of the Los Angeles Police Department. In a shock move it looks like the ‘Taken’ star will be taking justice into his own hands in real life this time.

Chief of Police, Cletus Johnson had this to say: “After hearing what Mr Neeson said about wanting to kill any black person, we knew he had all the credentials to join our police force.”

“Ideally we’d like to train him in using a firearm. But if he feels more comfortable using a cosh, we’re happy for him to continue with that, as long as he gets the job done, even if it is a more brutal death for the victim. I mean felon.”

When asked if Neeson would be undergoing any other formal training, Johnson added: “Mr Neeson has a very specific way of working. Whenever we have a suspect during a case, our psychologist will get him to try to think back to a time when someone of that ethnicity had wronged him in some way.

The other week we were searching for a Puerto Rican man, and so we got one of our officers, Miguel, to scream insults at Liam for a whole hour. After that, Liam went on a killing spree, and managed to kill the suspect’s younger brother, so pretty safe to say that mission was a success.”

“His radar can be a bit off though. We still find he mainly goes after black people. With a cosh. It needs some fine-tuning, but we trust the process.”

Neeson is trying to recuperate from his recent plummet in popularity and has received support from some of his actor friends, but if ‘Taken 3’ is anything to go by, not even Forest Whitaker can make him look good here.

Career change? Actor-turned-cop Liam Neeson (pictured here without his cosh)


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