Every parent dreads to learn that their child is feeling unhappy or unloved. Even worse is finding out that their pride and joy is a smelly loner, and worse, a virgin.
With this in mind, when Carol from Somerset found out that her 14-year-old son Robert was feeling isolated at school, she did what any caring mother would do and gave him the bonking of his life, so she could try and produce him a brother to play with.
"It's human nature to want to cheer up your child really," Carol said when questioned about this decision.
"Who cares if basic biology and the law is against you? As far as Rob's concerned he got laid and he might have someone who will idolise him for the next 15 years. Obviously they'll inevitably die of the genetic complications arising from this incestuous union, but that's what happens when you love your son."
When the police were asked about the legality of this move, they declined to comment, instead inexplicably racing to their cars and reporting what was called a 'code Norfolk 279' on their radios.