A group of friends have decided to go for a picnic this weekend. Among them is 27 year-old Norman Shipton, who, as he himself claims, is in possession of a powerful secret - a secret concerning the identity of his member.
“Last year I was at a Hall & Oates concert, staring at my penis, when I thought it was about time the little fella got a proper name. That name, I hear you ask? Why, Tobias of course," Shipton told us, unsolicited.
“Those morons don’t have the slightest idea.” He said of his companions: “You see Richard over there in the corner? Yeah he’s laughing now, but if only he knew what I knew. And Rebecca? That chump probably doesn’t even have a penis!”
Asked if he ever felt tempted to reveal his secret, Shipton responded: “Come to think of it, there have been a few occasions when I thought they were onto me.
There was this one time we were talking about our friend Toby. I kept sniggering to myself every time they mentioned his name, and was met with piercing looks.
My initial thought was that they had somehow found out about Tobias, but, on reflection, it might have had something to do Toby’s failed suicide attempt, which is actually what we were discussing.
Toby. I tell you that guy couldn’t follow through with anything!” Shipton reminisced.
“Besides. Even if they did find out about Tobias, there’s no way they could know that for Halloween, I put a tissue on over him so he looks like a ghost. I’ll always have that over them.”