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Exclusive: The Five Other Brexit Demands Corbyn Was Banned by Labour from Submitting

Updated: Feb 14, 2019

As Corbyn and May commence crucial talks about the political future of the United Kingdom in yet more Brexit plans, it has been revealed that Corbyn originally proposed a ten-point plan for Brexit Guarantees, only to be banned from asking for the five plans listed below:

Future No-Confidence Votes to be decided by fights to the death between naked mole-rats: Corbyn was especially displeased at this being stifled by the Labour Bigwigs, seeing it as yet more evidence of the conspiracy attempting to stifle his socialist agenda.

A Mint Vienetta: Corbyn is well known for his love of the people, and his love of the people’s food, Vienetta Ice Cream, is no different. He demanded one, saying he’d happily "fuck everything else up" to get his hands "on that wonderful chocolatey goodness - but only as long as there's mint as well".

Scrap both the pound and the Euro in favour of Dogecoin: As a creative solution to the crashing British Pound, Corbyn, an avid crypto-currency salesman before becoming an MP in the 1980s, suggested a full transition, ushering in a brave new world where people buy household goods in the same way druglords currently purchase cocaine.

Nigel Farage to be placed into that machine the pulverises olives into Olive Oil: An issue that split the labour leadership but was defeated in the end in favour of John Prescott shivving Farage with a gillette razor strapped to a toothbrush.

A pair of Yeezy’s for John McDonnell: Corbyn forgot John's last birthday, but he knows that McDonnell loves 808s and Heartbreak, and thought this might be a good way to get his hands on some sneakers.

Corbyn snapped last year at the Vienetta Factory.


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