Every casual football fan knows the drill. Pretending to like football is easy, you just know the stars, wax lyrical about them and the world is your oyster, you can get on with any football fan just by bringing them up in conversation, it's easy!
With this in mind, half-soaked football fan Jason Stoakes had been getting years of conversation from world-class right back Tony Hibbert, wowing fans in bars all over the world with his in-depth knowledge of the Everton Stalwart.
Imagine his surprise and devastation when, in doing his general research on Tony for the upcoming Merseyside Derby, Jason found out that Tony had been retired for 3 years.
"You never think the day will come, you never think it'll happen to you. It's just so bloody gutting!" said a tearful Jason when interviewed immediately after finding out.
"He's just been such a useful part of my life for so long, and he was so good, you could bring up his record to anyone and seem like a pro. He was the dream for the casual fan, world-class and yet so understated. I'm gonna really miss him."
Asked what he planned to do next, Jason responded "Luckily I prepared for this eventuality, I'm a planning kind of guy, I've got shit loads of facts about Marcus Bent and Lee Carsley so I'll never be completely useless!"
Ummmm, shall we tell him or will you?