Yes, you’re related, but you haven’t spoken in years! You’re not even sure she remembers your name - she never mentions you in Christmas cards. Yes, it’s a sad occasion, but is it one worth spending the weekend in Chorley for? I don’t think so either. But of course, your parents are insisting you go. Not sure how you’re gonna get out of this one? We’ve come up with a list of responses that will come in handy:
“None of the cool kids from class are going.”
“But I went last week!”
“I’ll just watch the highlights afterwards.”
“Black suit? What am I, a tailor?”
“Well, isn’t that a timely death? Right before her own funeral. Some people will do anything to
avoid family events.”
“I promise I’ll go to the next one.”
“I already said I’d play chequers with Justin.”
“Sorry, I don’t speak English.”
“Woah, woah. Take it easy buster.”
“If she wanted people to come she should’ve made a Facebook event.”
“Bet she won’t come to my funeral.”
“I wouldn’t even know which shorts to wear!”
“You think I killed her, don’t you?”
“I’d probably just end up sleeping with her.”
“What if the nuns assault me again?”
“I have to print something.”