As part of our Humans of New York inspired documentary series, we decided to follow the life of your uncle, and looked at the 3 sporting figures he would have demolished if only he hadn’t jumped on that fence in Dublin and torn his ACL:
Tyson Gay - "I used to be a quick lad you know, I would’ve put that Tyson Gay to shame with my straight line speed. Also, his name is gay, that's hilarious. Brexit means Brexit."
Tyson Fury - "Speaking of Tyson’s, I reckon I could have taken that fat Mancunian as well, I was in great shape and can hit hard as nails, but now I’m not fit enough, I can't believe what Steve did to my knee on that stag night. I'd tell you what happened, but what happens in Prague stays in Prague. But, yeah, basically, Steve did my knee in when he tested out my knee jerk reaction using a foot long spike. Oh, and I suppose white lives don’t matter."
Mo Salah - "He’s just quick, no guile, me, I encompassed the two and brought them together.
The Gillingham U-16 coach said I moved like a cheetah whenever we were heading out for a meal, and he didn’t go around throwing compliments out either. Trump has a degree from Wharton, he understands immigration. Pass me that burrito I’m starving."